One of my constant requests is that the Father would help humble me. This is scary to ask but I hate having a pride filled heart.
Tonight as I sat listening to the sisters leading the new seekers in a study I began getting frustrated with the fact that I can’t understand what they are saying. I was frustrated that I was not the one sharing, that I was not the one getting the chance to lead some more girls to the Kingdom. I was journaling and lifting up the girls and their study as I normally do, when it was revealed to me that I was once again being prideful. I was frustrated that all I could do was lift them up and offer a house to meet in. I didn’t only want to be hostess I wanted to be a leader.
What an answer. I have been asking to be humbled and he put me in a situation where I felt I was in a lower position than I would like, and I got to practice humility. Isn’t it crazy that even in sharing our good news we can be tempted to take those situations to make ourselves look good and feel good. The more I am here the more I see that the Father doesn’t need me to multiply his kingdom, but he chooses to use us to build our belief in him. I feel honored to be apart of this process and that I get to experience the work here in China!
I have been contemplating what to write on my blog lately. I am going through a time in the culture shock/stress phase that is hard to put into words. However, just the other day as I sat on the floor starring out the window the words came. Heart Broken. That kind of heart- ache that consumes your body, leaves you somewhat depressed and the pain is so real it feels physical. I feel like I just had a bad break-up. I was told Nov/Dec are going to be hard months, but I got through November and then …heart break. I am not sure why. But I have my guesses. The adventure of moving here and starting life here is over. I am officially here. I am living life in China. With that being said; now I am realizing that life in China isn’t easy all the time, I miss home and life there, and that living life here is going to be more of a sacrifice than I originally thought. Its not temporary. This is a hard realization. I think for the past 5 months I have been in survival mode. Knowing if I just pushe...
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