Skip to main content

Should I freak out?


When you know you are leaving the country, your family, and everything you have ever known in two weeks, what are you suppose to do? I wish I knew. I feel a little lost, how do I emotionally handle it? I am excited and ready to tackle this adventure. I am not ready on the other hand, to say good-byes. Just thinking about that makes me want to throw up. How am I suppose to know what to pack? What is more special to me: my kitchen plates or my smell good candles? I mean there is just too much to think through at times. I feel like I am forgetting so much! I feel like I tell people I will see them or call them and between me thinking about raising support, thinking about packing, and trying to spend the most time I can with family, I totally forget or can’t make it work. I am sorry if you are one of those people. Stress. I don’t feel stressed I just feel lost. I am sure it is a form of stress but I don’t have time to really figure it all out.
I say all of this to be real with you. Am I freaking out…yes. But I am okay. It’s a time of growth and a time of excitement. I half expected that I was going to feel more responsible and a whole new person because I was a “missionary”. I thought it would be a role that people praised and I felt so loved. But it has been different. It feels lonely, because people are busy and forget. Just like me. Thankfully my joy comes from the father and I have learned to rely on and ask more than I have ever in my relationship with Him. These next two weeks are going to be hard. I will rest knowing the father will be by my side loving me along the way. He provides strength and courage in our times of freaking out.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Bieber Fever

Surrounded by sounds of horns, buses, and loud Chinese while walking down a crowded street can seem so foreign and a somewhat out of body experience. As we were walking down a shopping street trying to find our way, to my utter disbelief, I heard Backstreet Boys! Yes, I did stay and listen to the whole song, and it was wonderful! It is funny the things that remind you of home, the thing’s that make your heart smile when you live here. I would never think that hearing “Baby, baby ..ooohhh” by Justin Bieber would be a heart warming experience, but sadly because he speaks English and is totally American, I now have bieber fever! I have really enjoyed hearing some older, not so popular, pop songs and was not expecting to hear what I heard one day shopping for rugs. It was as if the Father was talking directly to me. It was a praise song in English! They had no clue what it was, but to me it was a reminder that He is with me…. anywhere I go! I was praising Him in English in a rug store! ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Not a Monk

How does someone know the Father has “called” them to something? I have always wondered what people had to do in order for them to be called or spoken to by the creator himself. I figured you had to be a monk or a pastor of some sort.             I remember when Jeremy and I were engaged and in pre-marriage counseling. Our pastor, of course, had to bring up China. This was a topic of so many discussions. Will we go back? (Probably a no) Do you want to go? (Definite no) Do you feel like the father would have you stay here in Evansville? (Yes, that is correct) I was not being “called “ to China. Nor did I feel like that was in my future.             I have always known that the Lord has made my heart special and that I felt as if he was going to do something different through me than an average young adult. I never knew what that was, but always felt that deep inside. After one...
Post a Comment
Read more

One Click

Have you ever had a moment in your life that you just knew that the father was totally real and listening to your every thought? I realize that dad is real and I know he promises in his word that he hears our every request….but recently I had one of those moments. Picture a beautiful baby girl with bubbles, a waterfall with a sunset, or a bride and groom gazing into each others eyes, these are all sights to behold! Well, I wanted the opportunity to capture those moments not only with my 10 year old camera but a new big camera that took quality photos! As I wandered through best buy and day dreamed about taking pictures of the Great Wall or little Chinese girls I couldn’t help but notice the Huge price tag at every camera I liked. I found one camera in particular that I would really like to have. For weeks I thought about this camera and decided it was ridiculous that I was thinking about a hunk of metal and some mirror pieces that much, so I presented a request to Dad. I told him I ...
Post a Comment
Read more