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Should I freak out?


When you know you are leaving the country, your family, and everything you have ever known in two weeks, what are you suppose to do? I wish I knew. I feel a little lost, how do I emotionally handle it? I am excited and ready to tackle this adventure. I am not ready on the other hand, to say good-byes. Just thinking about that makes me want to throw up. How am I suppose to know what to pack? What is more special to me: my kitchen plates or my smell good candles? I mean there is just too much to think through at times. I feel like I am forgetting so much! I feel like I tell people I will see them or call them and between me thinking about raising support, thinking about packing, and trying to spend the most time I can with family, I totally forget or can’t make it work. I am sorry if you are one of those people. Stress. I don’t feel stressed I just feel lost. I am sure it is a form of stress but I don’t have time to really figure it all out.
I say all of this to be real with you. Am I freaking out…yes. But I am okay. It’s a time of growth and a time of excitement. I half expected that I was going to feel more responsible and a whole new person because I was a “missionary”. I thought it would be a role that people praised and I felt so loved. But it has been different. It feels lonely, because people are busy and forget. Just like me. Thankfully my joy comes from the father and I have learned to rely on and ask more than I have ever in my relationship with Him. These next two weeks are going to be hard. I will rest knowing the father will be by my side loving me along the way. He provides strength and courage in our times of freaking out.

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